LETTER TO A MARRIED SISTER ON MARITAL CONFLICT BACK IN 2017
Please read and learn God’s wisdom for your own situation.
Dear (Name Withheld),
Finally, the mail is here, you know it took me some days to gather my thoughts together and get inspired by the Spirit so that whatever I put together will be a Word from Him and not from me.
So, on this note, I am confident that this mail will not only be relevant for situation at hand but will be a reference point for you in the days to come as the content would be relevant and applicable to life issues.
First and foremost, I feel I should address the matter of things you need to take note of and consciously respond to God on, as it relates to your person, mindset, character, disposition and your view and response to life issues vis-à-vis your relationship with your husband going forward. Later in this mail, I will highlight the things I think you should be presenting at the meeting to be held soon.
(MSG) Hebrews 13:17 Be responsive to your pastoral leaders. Listen to their counsel. They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God. Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery. Why would you want to make things harder for them?
(MSG) 2Timothy 3:16-17 Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another–showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God’s way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.
I am starting with the two scriptures quoted above as a pre-cursor and a compass for the direction of my submission in this mail I am making to you, so that we can agree in written ahead that I am recognizing again and again as I have mentioned at one time or the other and making it known to you that God in His wisdom brought us together in the unusual way He did, for the times we have been through and a time like this, I have taken and I am taking a spiritual oversight over you as unto God, hence I walk and relate with you with fear and trembling to bring you God’s counsel at all time and not at the whims of your emotion, even in recognition of my own weakness but relying on the Spirit and Power of God for surely I shall give account to God over you.
It then behooves that you position yourself in line and recognizing the God factor and your obedient response as unto the Lord.
According the 2 Timothy 3:16-17 above, the wisdom of God for bible is to show the truth concerning the mind and purpose of God, expose our rebellion to that truth and purpose, in order to correct us if we will take it and then train us God’s way in discipleship relationship with Jesus and human leader who is yoked together with Him so that our life and bodies can magnify Jesus and show forth God’s glory as we make our bodies a living sacrifice, trusting Him all the way as most wise God in difficult and unpalatable situations He permits to reveal Himself as we deny ourselves.
I must then note with you here that your person, mindset, character, disposition and your view and response to life issues vis-à-vis your relationship with your husband thus far that I shall be reviewing is not in attempt to judge you or condemn you in anyway, most of them is not your making but your nature, gene, exposure, background, upbringing and so on, but the intention is to expose these things as they do not reflect in the person of Christ which is now your life as you died with Him by faith and now live His life also by Faith. (Galatians 2:20, 2 Peter 1:1-10, 2 Corinthians 13:5 – Pls read these bible verses and meditate on them, especially the one underlined).
We all have grown up with a nature that is not of God, and as we get reconciled with God after salvation, He is deliberate to disciple/chastise our human body and mind through His Word and issues of life for us to partake of His Holiness (Divine Nature/Christ Image/God’s Glory)
(Psalm 53:1-3, Hebrews 12;1-10)ERV
Hebrews 12:1 We have those many people {of faith} around us. Their lives tell us what faith means. So we should be like them. We too should run the race that is before us and never stop trying. We should take away {from our lives} anything that would stop us. And we should take away the sin that so easily catches us.
Hebrews 12:2 We should always follow the example of Jesus. Jesus is the leader in our faith. And he makes our faith perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But Jesus accepted the shame of the cross like it was nothing. He did this because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne.
Hebrews 12:3 Think about Jesus. He was patient while sinful men were doing bad things against him. Think about him, so that you also will be patient and not stop trying.
Hebrews 12:4 You are struggling against sin, but your struggles have not yet caused you to be killed.
Hebrews 12:5 You are children of God, and he speaks words of comfort to you. You have forgotten those words:
Hebrews 12:6 The Lord punishes every person he loves,
and he punishes every person
he accepts as a child.”
(Proverbs 3:11-12)
Heb 12:7 So accept sufferings like those sufferings are a father’s punishment. God does these things to you like a father punishing his children. All children are punished by their fathers.
Heb 12:8 Every child must be punished. So, if you are never punished, then you are not true children and don’t really belong to God.
Heb 12:9 We have all had fathers here on earth who punished us. And we respected our fathers. So it is even more important that we accept punishment from the Father of our spirits. If we do this we will have life.
Heb 12:10 Our fathers on earth punished us for a short time. They punished us the way they thought was best. But God punishes us to help us, so that we can become holy [159] like him.
Heb 12:11 We don’t enjoy punishment when we get it. Being punished is painful. But later, after we have learned from being punished, we have peace, because we start living right.
Heb 12:12 You have become weak. So make yourselves strong again.
Heb 12:13 Walk (live) in the right way so that you will be saved and your weakness will not cause you to be lost.
Heb 12:14 Try to live in peace with all people. And try to live lives free from sin. If a person’s life is not holy, [160] then he will never see the Lord.
So, this is why we must learn humility and meekness from Jesus as His Disciples so we can find rest for our souls in life issues and be at peace with God in order to rest with Him eternally. You must believe God by faith that as you obey the instructions of God through Christ principles, carrying your cross and dying to self-will and your own ways that makes you look like a fool, He will be working is you to manifest His glory.
So far, I recognize that you are strong willed and self opinionated, ( the first is a natural trait of a leader, showing if you are in a leadership position, you will do well) but this in its self is not a sin, but becomes a problem when it conflicts with anyone leading you while you may be a leader in another platform. What your parents and husband has interpreted this to mean is you are strong headed and disobedient.
Secondly, you believe so much in yourself, your wisdom and your right. I perceive you have a resident sense of I am smart and knows what I am, what I am doing and what I want to achieve. It is not a problem if you are able to humbly submit your opinions to whoso ever you have to do with. It may be a little easy for you in an official situation, but home and loved ones may struggle to flow with this attitude.
Thirdly, with all respect and I believe you are changing in this regard, I also notice you are yet to be fully detached from material things and their seeming glory. Yes, material things are good and we are enjoined by the Word of God to use them if God gives them, but as you grow in Christ, you will note that the mind of Christ is to live as simply as possible, He instructs us to condescend to people of low esteem. You must deny your heart from desiring riches, and that does not mean you should not desire profit from investment, business or anything you do in the will of God, but the thin line is that you must not desire to have riches so you get pleasures that this world can offer, the danger is you will surely find your self in many temptation and get ensnared away from living a life of Faith of Christ, we cannot eat our cake and have it.
The bible teaches us to be contended with God meeting our needs per time, even if that need is as it is NEED and not what we WANT, is building a house or buying a CAR. Yet, our desire can vary from one thing to the other, but it should mostly be for the work of God and how to be a blessing to others, be it poor or God’s people. If you allow God’s dealing to make you and renew your mind, I believe God can trust you and is willing to trust you as His treasurer and that is a calling and ministry just as he calls some people to be a preacher and workers of miracle.
Also, your marriage covenant as unto God and not as unto a good and loving husband is to submit, love, care and nurse, this you must be willing to do now as if Jesus is sending you to do it for Him even when the man is not loving, caring or deserves your love. Neither was you and I deserving of Christ’s love, but while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. If you get this revelation, peace will reign in your heart towards your husband. Your view of your husband must change even though He has hurt you, you must learn to submit to His authority, wisely disagree and seek His approval on things that are pertinent. Actually there is no condition to this, but we can only wait to see that He is sincere with this reconciliation and as I once told you to maintain status quo since it was initiated due to developments, if there are other wicked plans underneath the reconciliation, we then trust God for next direction.
The last thing on my mind, is your thirst and hunger for personal fellowship with God. I must be sincere with you that our strength to live the Christian life is 70% from our personal study of the bible and getting revelations from God in His word which we live by on daily basis, our prayer altar where we pour our hearts and receive power for facing life issues, activating what Christ has achieved for us on the cross and getting the result of the victory we have in Him. I understand the challenges you are facing and how survival has been difficult, but going forward, you must know that the life of God and Christian virtues can only ooze out of your fellowship with Him.
Solution: The general solution to these issues is to agree with Jesus to deny yourself and recognize that by your natural strength you can achieve nothing, but that by the Spirit of God, you will have life of God and its attendant blessings in abundance. The Bible says in Romans 8:13, that if we live in flesh, we will die to the life of God, but if we live in Spirit we will have the life of God. Galatians 6:8.
God is using the difficulty of your husband to make you learn obedience by the things you suffer, because even Jesus being the son of God learnt obedience by the things He suffered, and He became distributor of Eternal Life to those who also by faith in Him obeys Him in the things they suffer, Hebrews 5:6-9 (ERV) (suffering in this sense is any experience you go through in your decision to please God in the situations tempting you to behave against the knowledge of God by any means) Hebrews 2:18 says Jesus suffered in that He was tempted, and He is then able to succor those who are suffering in temptation that they go through. Please read the Hebrews 12 above. So, the bible says after your obedience is complete, you can correct disobedience by the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 12:1-10 (ERV)
2Co 12:1 I must continue to boast. It won’t help, but I will talk now about visions [41] and revelations [42] from the Lord.
2Co 12:2 I know a man [43] in Christ who was taken up to the third heaven. This happened 14 years ago. I don’t know if the man was in his body or out of his body. But God knows.
2Co 12:5 I will boast about a man like that. But I will not boast about myself. I will boast only about my weaknesses.
2Co 12:6 But if I wanted to boast about myself, I would not be a fool. I would not be a fool, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t boast about myself. Why? Because I don’t want people to think more of me than what they see me do or hear me say.
2Co 12:7 But I must not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown to me. So a painful problem [45] was given to me. That problem is an angel from Satan (the devil). It is sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud.
2Co 12:8 I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me.
2Co 12:9 But the Lord said to me, “My grace (kindness) is enough for you. When you are weak, then my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me.
2Co 12:10 So I am happy when I have weaknesses. I am happy when people say bad things to me. I am happy when I have hard times. I am happy when people treat me badly. And I am happy when I have problems. All these things are for Christ. And I am happy with these things, because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.
1 Peter 3 and 1 Peter 4 has a lot to say further on living through difficult situations.
I believe if you pay attention to the above, you will do well ma.
LASTLY: The things you want to push at the meeting is to:
- Seek His continuous forgiveness of your past and future mistakes as you are human and you desire His willingness to make the home godly and happy environment for the children.
- That He will agree with you to have a life – by planning together your academic pursuit and career, not saying NO, NO to anything you desire to have a sense of worth and contribute to other life such as the home, your parents, siblings and the less privilege.
- That you have noted in 5 years that you both have personality conflict which results in many problems, and lack of rest of mind, beatings and the dis-respect He has accused you of. Stating, you have noted He desires to be free and unquestioned, which maybe difficult for you if you see daily His activities and you cannot relate as a wife to a husband, So on that wise, your request is to be in harmony and agreement to live separate not far from the house but make your body available for him anytime, while you work things out and come together when your love has grown stronger, so as to allow the intention of this reconciliation to be achieved.
- That He will give you room in His heart to accept your efforts to correct all the wrongs and be willing to communicate from heart to heart as expected in a normal marriage – that this is lacking between you both.
- That He will play His conjugal role as you He denied you that for 2 years.
- That He should see you as a human being, who has a vision for life and has lived without Him for the past (your age before marriage) and not a property He has acquired.
- That you openly forgive Him any act of adultery He must have committed because you know God is a witness, but that He should announce if He has another woman in His life that you may need to deal with in future, with or without children.
STAY BLESSED AND LET ME GET YOUR FEEDBCK OFUNDERSTANDING OF ALL THAT I HAVE WRITTEN MA.
Brother Kolade